As most of you know, I have been off work the past couple weeks. I had a medical procedure on the 22nd Feb and had the intent on using the recovery time to get some writing done. I want you to be assured that I am doing well and did not mention this before as I did not want you all to worry about me. I am healing well and am getting stronger each day. Today is my first day back at work, and I felt it would be wise for me not to lengthen an already full day with the meditation class. I hope you understand.
I had much time to sit in stillness with myself over the past two weeks and as we talk about so often, resting into that quiet space stirs up those things we hold deep inside. My commitment to myself was to go through this surgery in a conscious way healing any trauma from past surgeries. My first surgery was at 14 years of age when I had a spinal fusion to stabilize my spine that was developing a considerable curve. I spent a month in the hospital only able to turn when a nurse came every three hours to turn me on a side and then back on my back again three hours later. I felt lonely and helpless with the days and weeks I was forced to lie there. After that, I spent the following three months in a full torso plaster cast. In my family, we did not make a fuss of these things, and I believe I learned then, or it was reinforced that I stay silent in the struggle. I am doing my best to transform this pattern.
Subsequent surgeries in my life have come accompanied by some tough emotional times which of course led me to the gift of recognizing the connection between the mind/emotions and the body and into my life purpose work. They were also, however, times of profound aloneness and needing to forge through.
The beauty of this past two weeks was that I had my beautiful children come in to help care for me in the first few days following surgery, amazing friends that I had told reaching out to help and a commitment to healing old pain and finding my voice through this all. I practiced what I am always espousing by allowing myself to feel, to grieve and staying mindfully present to myself and my thoughts and emotions so as not to get lost in the sorrow. I took time off that I needed to heal physically and worked through my fear of disappointing someone who might need me:). Most important the simple message that came to me through this all is
“Rest gently into who you truly are, and you will be an invitation to others to be who they are. This mindful, compassionate, loving way of being in the world will bring peace and joy within and around us.”
Thanks for your indulgence. Have a beautiful week.
Love and Light, Marion