Good Monday morning. Meditation will be tonight at 7 as usual. See you there. Please let me know via text or email if you will be there.
Being at the ocean for the past five days especially with the Spring Equinox, the New “Super” Moon and A Solar Eclipse all on the day of the wedding I was honored to officiate in has brought to the surface many emotions from deep within me. It was 20 years ago when I went through the deeply painful experience of discovering my husband was having an affair. I heard a beautiful message from somewhere within me saying: ‘Marion, there is Power in Vulnerability’. This message changed my life. It led me into this work and has informed me in my work and in my life ever since so I am finding the courage to be vulnerable with you all today. Those of you who are on a conscious path know, that as we uncover who we really are, the patterns from our childhoods and life experiences that restrict us or cause us to protect, are revealed. The beauty about shining a light on these energy patterns is that they are like inner bullies and will control us until we face them and free ourselves from them. They keep us in a place of fear and restriction and limit our expression in life. The experience from the past is gone, the beliefs about ourselves and our lives as well as the pain live on until we listen to those hidden energies and learn to let them go.
One of my strongest limiting patterns has been that I want everyone around me to feel comfortable, to feel loved and to not feel rejected. Well, this is not such a bad quality of course, except when I put my own needs and happiness aside for others to feel good. When I am holding space for my clients at work, this ability to be so in tune is a gift and it allows me to connect on a deep level that helps them see their own limiting patterns and have compassion for themselves in the process of healing. Here I am able to stay neutral but open and loving and everyone benefits in that space. I am grateful for that.
It is in my personal life that it has caused me all kinds of pain. All jumbled up in this vortex of pain for me is my deep insecurity of not being enough. In that place I want to avoid feeling rejected at all costs, of discovering that I am not wanted. So I find myself working overtime, making sure all those around me feel good. It is so automatic and is a well honed skill that I have been practicing since childhood. IT DOES NOT WORK. I generally end up feeling hurt and rejected by those people I was trying to keep happy. You see, as these patterns work, I find those who will not be able to love me how I want to be loved. I then unconsciously try to get them to love and accept me by placing their needs above my own. Genius huh?:) As you read this and explore these places within yourselves, stay open to those places within you where you might be limiting the full expression of the beauty you are. Obviously I love the fact that I care so deeply about others and that I am naturally loving and kind. It is my nature and I don’t want to change that. It is when I am ignoring my own needs to keep others, especially those who have hurt or betrayed me, comfortable, that I realize it is time to make a change. I want to feel free.
This weekend was filled with the beauty and joy of being with a couple committing to love each other and their children, with love and support of family for them, with nature and its magnificent power and beauty and with many tears for me as I had the space to sit in this emotion. Don’t I always say it is in feeling the emotion that allows it to move. I felt it all and I commit to myself to continue to fulfill my soul’s purpose and to take care of myself in the process.
Ask yourself: “What am I most afraid of?” and “What are my limiting beliefs?” and “What are my vulnerabilities?’
Love and Light, Marion